one more time i'll find you,

one more time..i'll remind you that 

one more time..is all that i can take,

i swear on the crust of the moon,

one more time is all that i can bear,

i see the silver lining in your hair,

 the years have really passed us by,

&it scares me,

sitting in this broken chair,

gazing up at the moon,

wishing that this one more time..wasn't far too soon.

god, today i had a conversation with someone. a real conversation..which is hard to come by. i mean, i have lots of conversations with people but i haven't gotten deep in a long while, philosophical if you allow.

he said, ''ask me anything, anything question you're dying to know the answer to.'' [sounds cocky, but this is the kind of cocky i love. true thought, he was no clown adivsor..this was no accident. seriously, i'm still in a haze.]

i asked him, ''do you think people are really living..or just dying?'' by people,  ireally meant me. but he doesn't know me..so he'd be like.. stupefied. 

sounds stupid. WHATEVER..but it's been eating at me..this 'living' ordeal. what the fuck is 'living' & whats it got to do with me. at an early age..i knew that in every jealous second..time was stealing life from me, i was dying. it was a hard concept to grasp that at some time before or after i'm ready to actually die it would happen. whether i've 'lived' in my opinion or not. 

he said: ''it depends on what your idea of 'living' is. some people define it through religion, others sex..others friends &/or family. but, the majority of the people confuse living with freedom.''

its true. everyone thinks if you're free you can live. adapt people. there is no absolute freedom.

if youre looking to do what you want & you call that freedom, please freely dive off a fucking cliff. freedom exists inside of you. &i've seen free people..i can see it in their eyes. 

i want need to live life freely, course through each adventure & feel..seek, listen..observe, wonder, abandon hoplessness..come to, finally. i dream too much, it's almost a burden. does that make sense? its time for a new course of action. i almost wish i could start over with this train of thought, but if i started over...........i'd do this all again. what a waste of incredible magic, to trace back time only to make the same mistakes again, right? sigh.

i want to fall in love with life again. not society.

there are so many people i see, who seem so hard to pin down. they are always getting into something, always sniffing around & circling constantly before they find a resting place [like a dog]. its unusual. it makes me want to throw some Thoreau at them & call it a fucking day. i'm gonna go to the library & get some more Don Juan teaching in my brain because, nothing has been stimulating enough lately. 

gyppppp gyp gyp.