HANDS

if i ever started to express my love of hands, rest easy, i have not even started yet.
today, after a very stimulating sociology class [which always gets me in the moods to watch everyone]..i started paying attention to peoples hands & connecting who they are to their hands.


while hands dont say e v e r y t h i n g, they say a fuck of a lot. i saw, big hands with big strong fingers, wide hands, pale nail beds, rough hands, dry hands, moist hands, long hands, wrinkly hands,guitar hands, heavy hands, metal hands, stubby hands, withered hands, hands hands hands..
they speak for themselves really. 


i did something, i havent done in a while. i held someones hand while i spoke to them, &the connection was amazing. a little awkward at first, but worth it. she had delicate hands with slim long fingers..they were also rather cold.


i asked her if she was an artist. yes. i asked her if she kept a clean room. yes. i could tell this from her hands, not the way she dresses, but i could feel it in her hands. does that make any sense..or am i just like the homeless people on the subway..'the end it near! my bowel was shaped like a comet!'


hands are amazing people. i wish holding peoples hands was just a normal thing, i love it. it saves a whole lot..because if you dont like holding someones hand..or dont feel much, then you know..its not right. 
i know my hands say a lot about me. i draw on my hands, wear rings, nail polish..ya know? but i also have large love/venus mounds, a gap between my pointer & middle finger [huge spender], rough yet soft hands..currently dry. i'm sensitive, but most wouldnt know that because i dont portray my sensitivity..a little unhealthy, but it works for me. i shop a lot, spend money i dont have. i love a lot, i nurture, i give..with strength i dont have. my long fingers.. constantly gripping on to what i can..savoring, attaching like octopus legs.




..fucking hands man. 

Rachel Brice

started to do yoga & belly dancing around 16/17.


i've never been more inspired, because i started around 14/15. &all this time i felt like i shouldve started when i was a fetus. so i could GET somewhere..have some fucking years under my jingly belt.
now, i feel like being a yoga instructor isn't such a distant & impossible future for me. i can sigh reliefs, i can stop feeling so anxious about taking courses. god, this is such a gust of fresh fucking air.

also, rachel brice was one of the reasons i even started to belly dance. [not the reason i started yoga]. when she moves it is just like a fucking song. &since i have such a love for body language, smooth angles when i draw, &words that blend in poetry....naturally i'm in total love with the art of belly dance.

&Rachel Brice, my wife, just knows exactly what to fucking do. &to think, i almost gave up..when i can eventually adopt fluent movements such as this:


Rachel Brice - Training Video Performance

Pami | MySpace Video

one more time i'll find you,

one more time..i'll remind you that 

one more time..is all that i can take,

i swear on the crust of the moon,

one more time is all that i can bear,

i see the silver lining in your hair,

 the years have really passed us by,

&it scares me,

sitting in this broken chair,

gazing up at the moon,

wishing that this one more time..wasn't far too soon.

god, today i had a conversation with someone. a real conversation..which is hard to come by. i mean, i have lots of conversations with people but i haven't gotten deep in a long while, philosophical if you allow.

he said, ''ask me anything, anything question you're dying to know the answer to.'' [sounds cocky, but this is the kind of cocky i love. true thought, he was no clown adivsor..this was no accident. seriously, i'm still in a haze.]

i asked him, ''do you think people are really living..or just dying?'' by people,  ireally meant me. but he doesn't know me..so he'd be like.. stupefied. 

sounds stupid. WHATEVER..but it's been eating at me..this 'living' ordeal. what the fuck is 'living' & whats it got to do with me. at an early age..i knew that in every jealous second..time was stealing life from me, i was dying. it was a hard concept to grasp that at some time before or after i'm ready to actually die it would happen. whether i've 'lived' in my opinion or not. 

he said: ''it depends on what your idea of 'living' is. some people define it through religion, others sex..others friends &/or family. but, the majority of the people confuse living with freedom.''

its true. everyone thinks if you're free you can live. adapt people. there is no absolute freedom.

if youre looking to do what you want & you call that freedom, please freely dive off a fucking cliff. freedom exists inside of you. &i've seen free people..i can see it in their eyes. 

i want need to live life freely, course through each adventure & feel..seek, listen..observe, wonder, abandon hoplessness..come to, finally. i dream too much, it's almost a burden. does that make sense? its time for a new course of action. i almost wish i could start over with this train of thought, but if i started over...........i'd do this all again. what a waste of incredible magic, to trace back time only to make the same mistakes again, right? sigh.

i want to fall in love with life again. not society.

there are so many people i see, who seem so hard to pin down. they are always getting into something, always sniffing around & circling constantly before they find a resting place [like a dog]. its unusual. it makes me want to throw some Thoreau at them & call it a fucking day. i'm gonna go to the library & get some more Don Juan teaching in my brain because, nothing has been stimulating enough lately. 

gyppppp gyp gyp.

because flesh is flesh..flesh as flesh as flesh

The difference is thin

But life has a certain ability of breathing new 

life into me

So I breathe it in

some of us are built like filters, where people can just weave in & out of the spaces we allow them to rent for free or not.

&i feel like one of those unlucky individuals.

i've been told by people who care about me..that i have a habit of letting people rent space in my life. &for free.

but not anymore, i think i'll eliminate those people from my life that are too cheap to stay. :] it's a hefty price to pay to stay inside of my world. yes, i have a world now.

i've found out a lot of things about myself since i've stayed off drugs & away from bad influences. i've found out..that always & forever i am trying to level out everything. make everything fair & easy. when really, it can never be. i keep making sure i'm walking side by side with everyone in this mine field, when really i just as soon walk 100 feet in front of people to begin with because thats where i end up anyway. :]

And the question is, was I more alive

Then than I am now?

I happily have to disagree

I laugh more often now, I cry more often now

I am more me .

Sufjan Stevens & i, just recently eloped & had children.

i loved today...
&i'm very excited about video taping  everything life has to offer.

[STORY SWTICH]
also, i'm sorry about the post before last. i'm thinking about deleting it. i feel self-righteous & slutty for it. &i also feel very oddly about my curiosity to step into a whores thongs.

do whores even wear underware? i'd figure in a world where everything is being made easier...they'd just skip the middle man all together...right? doesnt that sound fair?
[SUBJECT SPIN]
but anyways. i'd like to give a shout out to my lovely Mitchelllll Raymonddd. i love you pookie, youre one of the only people i can count on in this fucked upworld. &today was so much fun...as our days tend to be. i love our friendship, i can tell you anything. whaaat up.

[TOPIC TILT]
anyhow. terrific realizations happen when you least expect them i suppose. i'd really like to punch some people in the nose. i hate being lied to, but you know what. karma is a spinning wheel of serious intent.
nuff said.

dont fuck around with me

all i want is for people to be honest & respectful.
dont fuck around with me.

i'm so bad

i'm laughing my ass off at all the guys that thought they had a chance w/me tonight.

&i'm bad..i sat there & smiled & flirted [tried].
i know i'm bad, because i led them on & gave them wrong numbers.

but seriously, they're all bad because they probably didnt want hugs & kisses to stop with hugs & kisses.
plus, they were all either friends or related..whatd they want a train?


cassie has a made a monster outta me.
its all very flattering, even when the dudes are uglier than my butt & have the same spirituality as porn.
why is that? i mean..dont get me wrong it simultaneously disgusting & vialtile..but why is flattery so satisfying?

i, personally...always question the motives behind flattery. probably because ive spent the worser part of my life using flattery to get out of trouble..or to get into trouble. so naturally...when someone is obviously trying to flatter me...i want to know why. its pretty easy to figure out though.
BODY LANGUAGE. if you know about body language, you know everything you need to know about flattery.
tonight, when these young men were talking to me. their body language shouted 'hoornnnyyy'. but did mine?
its very easy to shoot someone down with body language, i couldve easily done that. but i'm a vulture of curiosity. so of course, i faked my body language & figured if i continued to fake it..that wouldnt be the only thing i'd be faking that night. haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...ROASTED.
it was interesting, i think i have a taste of what all the flirty pretty girls feel like.
i dont care for the feeling. its objectifying & weird. i wanted to punch them all in the head after it was said & done.

i'm not 16 anymore, i guess  its time for something different.

sass my ass

i get so stuck dealing with other peoples problems, mine kinda sit collecting dust & i'm allergic to dust.

but, fine.
today...of course, i stuck my head into a relationship that i helped form & realized its none of my business & never should have been. she apparently 'sassed' him..&then he came crying to me about it.

??
be a man, right?
anywhore, i tried to be polite & help but i ended up getting annoyed & angry. i'm 18 years old...why should i have to put band-aids on the boo boo's of middle aged bitches? it was some ludashit. i started off real calm & collect like..then i just spewed out some truth. i told them that since its been a good while since they'd been in the 6th grade, maybe they should realize if they need a middle man in their relationship they should just as soon start spreading rumours about how missy loo stuffs her bra & call this shit what it is.
i didnt tell them to break up, i just told them what ive been told, you can't try on people like shoes.

i mean my god, we're human beings. you can't handle a sass? idk, i've been known to overreact..
but when i told them the next time they come to me to patch up their 'grown up' relationship, i'd throw them over my knee....i meant it.

us people are just poems

we're 90 percent literal with a leanness of meaning approaching hyper-distillation,

&once upon a time we were moon shine..rushing down the throat of a giraffe. 

gypsie meets warrior

i have the same playlist on here, that i had on my old blog. [located at the bottom of the page, if you were wondering where this mysterious music was beaming from. scroll..scroll....]

the title, 'gypsie meets warrior' was inspired by Carlos Castinida's 'lessons of don juan'

Don Juan teaches Carlos about different paths in life. such as the path of being a warrior.

&i, Gypsie, would like to be a warrior in life. sounds craycray..but its true. 

anyhow, it happens to be one of my favorite playlists...filled with beautiful songs..most of my favorites.  been tryna spice up the blog, you know..

anyway. today was a day of reminese. ive been trying to clean my room, so i can walk into my room able to feel the carpet under my feet, instead of falling into my room & landing, face first, in an assortment of  shoes, pants, shirts, & thongs. i use the phrase 'i fell down some stairs' sometimes, just so i won't have to tell people about the condition of my room, which is why i have scratches & brusies on my arms.

exaggeration. 

anyhow...my point, i found hunreds of old poetry. &its so strange, poetry really defined so much in me. &now i barely write poetry..i just write about things that happen to me or record dreams..if that.  but everytime i read them, i  remember the day, time, weather...everything i felt. 

i remember the people that were in my life, the situations that inspired me to write..so many important things. it makes me wonder if  this point in my life is of critical growth. i dont like questioning that, i really don't. but i'm very sensitive to things, & i feel like through this bit of dry action will come a poetic influence..that i welcome into my life.

if i'm breathing, i'm growing. because you can never die if you've never lived.

ashley & i barely read each other poetry anymore, it bums me out. i think i'll have to call her up & see if she's written anything lately. 

these days, permanent phase

i can't believe i'm such a thug!

pro-g-unit!!

im just venting

tired of 'good listeners'...

you know, you tell them your problems...not even a second later they're talking about themselves again. almost everyone i know is this way. why do i attract these type of people? i love to listen..i really do..but i also love to talk. &Ashley & the people i work w/get all my pent up words & feelings & excitement that i don't get to express as much. i feel bad for them.

don't get it. don't get it at all. 

a maze zing!

i actually developed some prints in the darkroom..
of course, i forgot my negatives at home so they weren't my pictures...
yet, i feel so satisfied.

its been a week since ive been to photography, all b/c everytime i had this dudes money i'd spend it.
i'm making a late resolution to add on to the one i made sitting across from terrbear on new years,

not to owe anyone anything. :]

lets see how this all plays out.

courting or animalistic mating/humping?

have all the days of proper courting gone off the roof, splattered on the mud, & left there for the rodents to chew on...?

i dont want to be single, but thats not an option for me. nobody courts like they should.

its...hey hey baby *sweet talk* *sappy nauseating sweet talk* then bone bone bone. then what? some sloppy formed relationshit based on..what can you do for me?
i dont think i have it in me to take the chance of giving myself to someone who is just glad yet simultaneously ungrateful that i gave it away.
i'm just not sure..in this society...i'm going to find a true dude who can put up w/me or my standards. i'm at a point where if you can't take me as i am..i just as soon not even waste my fucking time.
time is life baybee, i aint toyin around.
we got some problems people.
also:
[this was not triggered by any one guy...just the product of lack of sleep... caffeine...&romantic dumb ass comedy's. put that together...this is what i come up with..a blog entry you get to roll your eyes to & say 'whatever..']

shell eggs

feelin pretty burnt, banged up, & blasted.

someone knock me the fuck out.

maybe i just dont have what it takes to join the working class.

poverty is just so appealing.

good vs evil

good vs evil? good or evil? good & evil? evil? evil? evil?

i'm not very photogenic..not at all, thats why i choose to be behind the lens rather than front & center.
but i do appreciate Mitchie's photography. i guess i need to have some memory of what i've looked like in my stages of growth. although, flipping through some pictures can be painful. i mean, i've been through some rough stages...
like when i though i was just part of the 80's glamrock movement...or when i loved the 20's...the 60's....being a whore....&of course when i just didnt give a fuck & combined all of them into a painful collage of disorganized dog shit. :].


but now, i have a picture of me on here. how about i go pass the fuck out now?

today:

i met a girl named Kat, big tits Kat to be exact.
she has a pet rat named Tits, who she takes w/her everywhere. he hids in her hood.

guess thats one of those things thats so weird you appreciate. i want a buddy that can hang w/me anywhere..is that ridiculous?

anyways. Ashley made me a dreadlock bead that is this amazing green blue bear, i'm wearing it was we speak. she made it out of clay & fired it until it came out the way she planned. i love it!

i also toured some kick ass places in charlotte & fell in love w/a lot of things.
although the sushi from last night really tried to tie me to the toliet all day, i had more fun than  my tummy would allow.
fuck seafood.

:/

Sushi, why have you betrayed me?




been watching Michelle Phan all morning, my face is hidden under layers of makeup where i have been too lazy to wash some off before i experiment again.
i have nobody to thank but my dearest Mitchie, for introducting Ms.Phan & i, now we're just two & two.






today..should be interesting. ha.

O, wacky days

 i've never slept as less,
                                                                  studied more,
            stood taller,
                              laughed until little farts escaped,
cried harder,
                   respectfully told people off..rant-style,
                                                                         cared more,

than i do now.

maybe all this sounds as cheesy as pizza, or maybe it sounds as cheesy as that analogy,

but it is oh so true my dearests. i kid you not!

juice

dyed the green in my hair blue,

guess i was tired of feeling like i had boogers in my hair. +thats the color i intended on it being in the first place, but when i bleached my hair it turned a yellow blonde. 

yellow + blue = booger green hair.

i got intouch with an old friend on yesterday at like 2 in the morning, Courtney.

as much as i avoided this, when i heard the clear, fresh sound of her cheerful drunken slurs..i had to smile.

so much better than shes sounded for the past 2 years.

i just wonder if people really change, &if they do change which of the changes is dominant? 

these days  truth & bullshit are wearing the same outfit.